Signs Found In Kitchens
** A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.** No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.** A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.** If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.** A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.** Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.** Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.** A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.** Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.** Housework done properly can kill you.** Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.** My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.  ¶ 4:48 AM 0 Comments

  Wizardly Woes Chap - You're Merlin aren't you?Merlin - Why yes ..it's nice to be recognised!Chap - Bit of a Wizard ..I hear?Merlin - Well Yes .. I've been told I'm skilledChap - Do tricks and things ..don't ya.. Magical stuff?Merlin - Magical ... yes that's correctChap - Turn Kings into Frogs ..and that sort of thing ..Is that rightMerlin - Well Yes ..I suppose I could Turn a King into a Frog!Chap - Ever Mucked up ..Ya know, made a mistake?Merlin - Well Yes ...hasn't everyone?Chap - Can you reverse a curse?Merlin - Yes I can ... with knowledge of who applied the Curse and the actual words of enchantment, I could do it ....Why ?Chap - I'm CursedMerlin - Really ... and how long have you been bewitched?Chap - Years.....Merlin - Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?Chap - Yeah .. can't forget them!Merlin - What were they?Chap - something like ... Do you take this women to be your lawfully wedded wife...  ¶ 4:39 AM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen
The sound of water says what I think. - Chuang Tzu  ¶ 12:16 AM 0 Comments

  Make Sure To Click Them All -Too Funny
Mice Infest Science Lab
F.S.U. Science Lab Lab technicians aren't sure how to formulate an answer to the overpopulation problem. "Since they discovered a cure for syphilis in lab mice," says tech Gilbert Beaker, " It's gotten way out of hand. There rolling over everything possible." Near by other technicians were seen scanning the want adds. Possibly for Free Kittens.
Related Article ( Cancer in Mice)Kudos to Junk Brothers.com they are hillarious.  ¶ 8:59 PM 0 Comments

  Being Disabled Myself- Can So Relate To This-
Holiday Shopping Disabled Parking Permit For your Holiday Shopping pleasure we've designed a Disabled Persons Parking Permit for convenient parking of your motor vehicle. This Parking Permit is guaranteed* to get you the best parking place at the mall. Just click the image of the Disabled Persons Parking Permit on the right for a larger version suitable for printing and hanging on your rear view mirror. *Please note:Guarantee may include a fine and/or jail time and does not mean you will actually get the best parking place at the mall since individual results can and will vary.Please Use this Parking Placard at Your Own Risk.  ¶ 8:52 PM 0 Comments

  Half- Baked Potatoes In Hot Water
Half-Baked Potatoes Uncovered in Pot Roast at area Restaurant
APOPKA, FLORIDA - In an undercover restaurant sweep Federal DEA agents uncovered the entrée to find Half-baked Potatoes in the Pot Roast. Speaking under anonymous terms, undercover DEA agent Lance Mustard made these steaming remarks. We noticed complaints about this establishment, and my experience told me something was wrong. I had this place under surveillance since the noon rush. Every thing was fine until the dinner cooks arrived. At first the entrées appeared ok but then about ¾ of the way through dinner things started looking suspicious. I could see from my advantage point under the salad bar that the bus trays were full of half eaten potatoes. That‘s when I made my move and uncovered the half-baked potatoes in the entrée. When I questioned the cooks about this they admitted, “It was all the Pot they had roasted. Actually we have been getting stewed for years.” In a related story, DEA Agents confess half-baked potatoes not half bad after pot roast.  ¶ 8:48 PM 0 Comments

  All Things Redneck -Lots To Check Out
REDNECKS.Dave's Redneck Photos and other Redneck Things of Interest. (via Harry.  ¶ 7:40 PM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen
I am empty of everything and there is nothing left in my mind,” said the monk to Joshu. “What do you say to that?”Joshu said, “Cast that away.”But the monk persisted. “I have told you, there is nothing left in me. I am completely empty. What can I cast away?”“In that case,” replied Joshu,”keep on carrying it.” - Joshu  ¶ 10:58 AM 0 Comments

  Exclusive Pics From The TomKat Wedding

  ¶ 10:51 AM 0 Comments

  Carrots Do A Body Good And Also Sing Very Well

The Singing Carrots.This'll cheer you up!It's in Japanese but I bet the song with be stuck in your head all day.  ¶ 2:00 AM 0 Comments

  Funny Lists Made Up Of Five Ideas Each
5IVES.Merlin's huge lists of five things.Like:Five things I probably should not have tried to make on my own:Clove cigarettes :Spiderman-like web shooters:Hash:Fonzie-like hairstyle (using Vaseline Petroleum Jelly):Poems  ¶ 11:17 PM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen
Ever desireless, One can see the mystery.Ever desiring,One can see the manifestations.These two spring From the same sourceBut differ in name. - Lao tzu  ¶ 10:38 PM 0 Comments

  Just Cuz You Are In Jail - You Stll Need Style

  ¶ 10:35 PM 0 Comments

 

THREE WAYS TO HYPNOTIZE A CHICKEN.How many times have you been wanting to hypnotize a chicken? Many times, haven't you? Go on, admit it!But you never found out how it's done.You're worrying times are over, learn about the Oscillating Finger Method, the Sternum Stroke Method and the Chalk Line Method. (6474)(via J-Walk Blog)  ¶ 10:33 PM 0 Comments

  Al Bundyisms


Greatest Al Bundy quotes -

*Now kids, we're not here to attack each other.We're here to attack the baby.*I left high-school, lost the will to live and here I am...* Peg, you know I warned you before about touching me.* Why doesn't the world die?* The only power I sensed was that of the mighty forces unleashed by beans.* Please, Peg, if you have any feelings for me, don't make me make love to you.* Peg we've been married for 17 years. Can't we just be friends?* Milwaukee. That's the town they build around you mother isn't it, Peg?* No-one can resist a shoe-salesman.* Pretty good for a guy stupid enough to marry you, huh ?* Peg, this is your birthday, please don't make me kill you!* Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home.* Every now and then a guy who drive a Dodge likes to close his eyes and imagine it's a Ferrari.* Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs,you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex but there'sno way on earth you can make me get a second job.* A man is a man all his life.A woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife.* Insurance is like marriage.You pay and pay but you never get anything back.* Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.* I'm not paying for mistakes.I've been doing that since I got married.* I'm married with children.* Guys may come and guys may go, but daddy's always daddy...well, at least until he jumps a freight train.* I had a dream last night. A big red haired mosquitoin tight pants was hovering over me sucking moneyout of my wallet.* I saw a star in the East. Peg, did you do laundry?* Look at your mother, you've got her so worried she'slooking every bit her 50 years.* Peg, when you married me,was it pre-meditated or a drive-by marriage.* Kelly, it's not that we don't believe you.It's just that we don't believe in love.* I will show him the same kind of respect that any father would show a 41 year old man who dates his teenage daughter.* Now wait a second. My pretty teenage daughter with the brain of a fruit-fly earned a thousand dollars in three nights. Should I be worried?* I was driving home... God knows why?* Kids take a good long look. This is worth a thousand condom commercials.* This is not a recorded message. I'm a human being, dam it!* I've lived and I've loved... later on I even married.  ¶ 7:17 AM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen
Ever desireless, One can see the mystery.Ever desiring,One can see the manifestations.These two spring From the same source-But differ in name. - Lao tzu  ¶ 4:42 AM 0 Comments

  Don't Cry 4 Paris This Is Just Satire   ¶ 4:32 AM 0 Comments

  The Proof Is In the Picture Looks as if Japan has been cloning for a while**  ¶ 4:21 AM 0 Comments

  You A re Gonna Have A Rotten Day When:


1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
2. You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
4. You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
last night, and there aren't any.
7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke
and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck
as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the interstate.  ¶ 11:58 PM 0 Comments

  A 60-Year Old Man

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?" The 60 year old responded, "Who said he was dead?"The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"The 60 year old responded again, "Who said he was dead?"The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."The doctor said, "At 106 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Who said he wanted to?"  ¶ 7:47 PM 0 Comments

 

New Olympic Sports- Toilet diving and vaulting####Click on the pictures to animate them-then you will see what I am talking about!

  ¶ 6:01 AM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen
In the World:Barefoot and naked of breast,I mingle with the people Of the world.My clothes are raggedAnd dust laden,And I am ever blissful.I use no magic to extend my life;Now, before me,The dead trees become alive. - Kakuan (1100-1200)  ¶ 5:59 AM 0 Comments

  Ain't We Sweet??


  ¶ 5:25 AM 0 Comments

  A Lifeline Of Hope   ¶ 5:23 AM 0 Comments

 

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.*****I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone.****I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles*****.I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.  ¶ 4:23 AM 0 Comments

  Freddy Frog Phones A Psychic

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?""No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."  ¶ 4:17 AM 0 Comments

  A Sweet Christmas Video

Karen Carpenter and Kristy McNichol sing "the Christmas Alphabet"
Karen Carpenter and Kristy McNichol sing "the Christmas Alphabet" via PCL Linkdump  ¶ 6:07 PM 0 Comments

  Tokens To Be Given Out To The Stiff-Lipped
BEWARE THERE COULD BE A TOKEN COMING TO YOUR AREA SOON MR BIN-LADEN MWA AAAAaaaaaaaaa~~~!!!!!
Londoners have a bad reputation around the globe where they are generally regarded as cold, unfriendly, and sometimes rude. They are seen as people who mostly keep to themselves and are not usually associated with random acts of kindness or smiley face characteristics.
An entrepreneur aims to change all that with her new Niceties project which was recently launched in London’s party zone, Soho. Liz Akers, 28, came up with the idea after becoming sick of rudeness on her commute to work and is now on a mission to put smiles on the faces of Londoners and ease any signs of the historical ‘stiff upper lip’.
‘Niceties Tokens’ At the Soho launch, multi colored Niceties Tokens were handed out and are now circulating around London. The clay token is a reward given to someone who has shown random acts of kindness or who has just been ‘nice’ or ‘friendly’, which they are then encouraged to pass on to others for similar actions.
“Each token has an individual name and set of markings, and the recipient can log on to a website to record how, where, and why they got it, and read about who has had it before them”.
Ms Akers and her friends ‘Team Nice’ sees the project as a way to unmask the true nature of Londoners, which she said is not naturally rude, just a bit grumpy and afraid of making contact.
And those people in places other than London who are smiling at the thought of commuting Londoners being accosted by Team Nice brandishing ear to ear smiles and being ultra nice, can wipe that grin off their faces, as there is talk of plans to increase the members of Team Nice and spread the ‘Niceties Tokens’ and niceness throughout the country and abroad.  ¶ 5:24 PM 0 Comments

 

• 
  Cat Mind Games:
  

*Stare with the exact same expression whether you're looking at nothing or an axe-murderer.
*Wait till your human lays out their clothes and decide this would be the perfect place to take a nap.
*Race through the house, hair on end and stop in an attack pose. Then walk of nonchalantly. Repeat as necessary.
*Play with invisible objects.
*Wait till your human is asleep and jump up and start kneading any available body parts.
*Figure 8 your humans legs while they are walking around the kitchen cooking something you won't get a bite of.
*Before your human gets out of their bed, make sure your napping in the bathroom doorway.
*Leave gifts of small animal body parts in your human's shoes. Then wait to be praised. Stalk off if not rewarded for your gift.
*If you absolutely have to go to the vet, cling to your human's head, howl at the top of your lungs, and spew hairballs on the vet.
*Wait till your human is eating, then jump on the table and shed.
*Using the litterbox at your human's mealtimes can be great fun.

  ¶ 4:40 PM 0 Comments

  Hey Honey There's A Party In my Shirt!!
-Shirt Turns Air Guitar Into Music
By The Associated Press -

CANBERRA, Australia (AP) ─ Scientists announced Monday that they have developed a high-tech T-shirt that turns the strumming of an air guitar into music.

The T-shirt has motion sensors built into its elbows that pick up the wearer's arm motions and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar riffs, said Richard Helmer, an engineer who leads the research team from the government's Australian Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization.

One arm is interpreted as picking chords while the other strums. The “wearable instrument shirt'' is adaptable to both right and left-handed would-be rock stars.

“It's an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music making even by players without significant musical or computing skills,'' Helmer said in a statement.

“It allows you to jump around and the sound generated is just like an original MP3,'' he added, referring to the digital audio file format.

The shift is a collaboration between CSIRO researchers in computing, chemistry, electronics, music composition and textile manufacture.

Helmer said sensors could be used in the future to reproduce a person in the virtual world so they could get feedback on their actions and improve their sporting techniques.  ¶ 2:45 PM 0 Comments

  New Andy Warhol Canned Soup Art
Limited edition soup cans with authentic reproductions of Andy Warhol designed labels. Printed on special quality paper and with Andy's signature (reproduced). Contains Campbell's condensed tomato soup. Exclusively ours.
And it can be exclusively yours for only $ 12.00.
That soup better be damn tasty!  ¶ 2:32 PM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen
Too many steps have been Taken returning to the root And the source.Better to have been blind And deaf from the beginning!Dwelling in one’s true abode,Unconcerned with that without-The river flows tranquilly On -and the flowers are red.  ¶ 1:40 PM 0 Comments

  Her New Hat
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"  ¶ 1:16 PM 0 Comments

  Ahhhhhhh Irish Gab
IRISH ACCENT SPRAYPaddy O'Connell's Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray radically changes the way you speak. Works instantly.One quick spritz activates invisible language receptors in the mouth. Fresh on the tongue like the mists off the cliffs of Moher!  ¶ 12:37 PM 0 Comments

  According To Alfred
Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you see something for 10 grand, he'll show you the door!"
"Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!"
"Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!"
"Thank's to the new welfare bill, the question "Paper or plastic?" now refers to many American's sleeping arrangements!"
"In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"
"Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!"
"If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!"
"A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!"
"The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!"
"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
"How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?"
"It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!"
"Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"
"Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!"
"A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!"
"How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss America?"
"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"
"You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!"
"Blood is thicker than water... but it makes lousy lemonade!"
"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"
"A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended .  ¶ 11:25 AM 0 Comments

  Running Nuns
RACING NUNS ***Nuns on the run, literally! Racing these happy little nuns simply involves dragging them backwards to wind them up, and then letting them rip. Immature as it undoubtedly is, we've been having far too much fun for grown adults racing them across the office, often chanting all sorts of witty remarks such as 'Go Sister, Go' or 'Holy Smoke.'Aren't we original and funny. With their slightly shocked faces and an enchanting wobbly gait, these racing nuns are a hoot.  ¶ 11:07 AM 0 Comments

  Today's Zen

To know what you know And to know What you don’t know,That is real wisdom. - Confucius  ¶ 10:53 AM 0 Comments

  Mommy Magic

My wife and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed oneevening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old Billy's room.Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentallyswallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talkingcould change his mind.Desperate to calm him, my wife palmed a penny that she happened to havein her pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy wasdelighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my wife's hand, swallowed itand demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, mum!"  ¶ 10:48 AM 0 Comments