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Some vintage Mexican Art

LARGO, FLORIDA - Yet again this morning Capt. Joe Dumas’ unwanted trash can was left behind by the garbage man. “I’ve been trying to get rid of this damn thing for a month.” Complained Joe, “There’s a big hole in the bottom where the trash falls out. I’ve left notes on the can but apparently the garbage man doesn’t read. I asked my boss for time off but he says staying home ‘so the garbage man will take your unwanted trash can’ is not a valid excuse to miss work.” Mr. Stupak, Joe’s neighbor, suggested Joe put the trash can inside a big trash bag before bringing the can to the street on the next garbage collection day. “That’s how I got them to take my old can!” Mr. Stupak said. A smile beamed form Mr. Dumas’ face as he realized he might actually get rid of his unwanted can next garbage collection day.

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you ???? "5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.7. Things you buy now won't wear out.8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.13. You sing along with elevator music.14. Your eyes won't get much worse.15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.18 Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.19. You can't remember where you got this list.

The holiday season will soon be upon us and that can mean only one thing: being forced to spend time with the in-laws. The well-mannered gentleman knows that being in the company of the in-laws can bring on feelings of stress and unhappiness as well as severe stomach cramps brought on by your mother- in-law's always undercooked pork-butt casserole. None the less - the true gentleman also knows that it is essential to get along with his wife’s parents in order to insure harmony in the family. To help the genteel reader who is plagued by such extended-family problems, Mr. Manners would like to make the following suggestions:
Compliment your mother-in-law’s cooking. Sure you’re on a low-cholesterol diet. Sure she fries everything in pig lard including the carrots, corn, and cranberry sauce. That doesn’t mean you can’t choke down a couple of her re-fried cottage-cheese balls, smile, and say "Boy these sure are tasty mom!"
Agree with your father-in-law’s political views. So Dad is a little far right and is voting for Pat Buchanon this year. That doesn’t mean you can’t smile and non-commitally nod when he asks whether you think it was a sad day for America when "the Russians gave up on Communism before we had the chance to nuke em". When he starts talking about minorities your best bet is to excuse yourself and become engrossed in the vegetable dip.
Be buddies with your brother in-law. Yes your brother-in-law may think it’s okay to shed his clothes after Thanksgiving dinner and watch football covered only in a non-too-plentiful sprinkling of potato chip crumbs. That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Just try scratching yourself and mentioning the late-great Sammy so-and-so and you can be instant friends for life.
Thanks you and good manners to all.

THE LONG HORSE If you flip through old photos, you might be lucky enough to run into the now-extinct 'long horse.'It was strong, handsome and could carry up to four people at one time but, because of overwork, the long horses tended to die young and, to put it bluntly, the population was eventually used to death.(via Tinselman)

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