Idiotic Product Instructions
On a bicycle -- "Removing the wheel can influence the performance of the bicycle"
(You think?)
On a hammer-- "Misuse may lead to property damage and bodily injury."
(Oh...Hell yes!!!)
On a toilet brush-- "Do not use for personal hygiene."
(Unless you're homeless.)
On car sun shield-- "Do not drive with shield in place."
(Unless you've been drinking of course.)
On aerosol cheese can-- "Remove cap."
(But I'm not wearing a cap.)
On a fireplace log -- "Caution: Risk of Fire."
(Yep...Hope so.)
On a Sears hairdryer -- "Do not use while sleeping."
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The Shoplifter Special.)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(Sound advice..I guess.)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Whoops! Too late now.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(No shit?)
On electric cattle prod -- "For use on animals only."
(What if I kinda like it?)  ¶ 12:50 AM