Thursday, November 16, 2006
What Really Happened In Roswell, New Mexico
Secret documents reveal the tobacco industry subsidized the U.S. Airforce Roswell Program in exchange for using the space aliens as tobacco guinea pigs. They wanted to find out the effects of tobacco on extra-terrestrials.
Immediately after the Roswell aliens were introduced to cigarettes they became addicted. They were soon up to 4 packs a day and at the end of the tests they were each consuming over 3 cartons a day. Smoking not only normally but also with cigarettes in their nostrils and ears. Some were even eating the cigarettes.
Tests ended suddenly.
After three years of captivity and tests the aliens mysteriously died, but they refused to stop smoking right up to their last breath. The autopsies conducted by the industry doctors were unable to pinpoint a specific cause of death.
But the results of these tests were so positive for the industry that it is abandoning it's focus on marketing to third world countries and is looking to space for the future.
Secret documents reveal -
what really happened at Roswell.
The Roswell tests were a success.
The Aliens craved cigarettes right up to the end.
Industry launches it's new promotion
Joe Alien
He's cool and bad to appeal to the younger E.T.s
An Industry insider revealed " Space aliens are a perfect market. They love tobacco. They smoke it through their nostrils, ears, and amazingly, they even eat it. The higher the nicotine and additives the better. We're abandoning our filters and are even adding more additives. And there's billions of them out there and they're all ready for 3 cartons a day."
A major promotion is now underway with satellites beaming tobacco commercials into deep space. Using a variation of their earth marketing schemes the tobacco industry is hoping to attract young extra terrestrials with a cool rebel-like character called - Joe Alien.
They are downplaying the fire dangers of smoking in space craft by promoting flame proofing flying saucers. Also a team of doctors is ready to swear that there is no concrete evidence that tobacco is addictive or harmful to space alien metabolisms. ¶ 2:25 PM
Secret documents reveal the tobacco industry subsidized the U.S. Airforce Roswell Program in exchange for using the space aliens as tobacco guinea pigs. They wanted to find out the effects of tobacco on extra-terrestrials.
Immediately after the Roswell aliens were introduced to cigarettes they became addicted. They were soon up to 4 packs a day and at the end of the tests they were each consuming over 3 cartons a day. Smoking not only normally but also with cigarettes in their nostrils and ears. Some were even eating the cigarettes.
Tests ended suddenly.
After three years of captivity and tests the aliens mysteriously died, but they refused to stop smoking right up to their last breath. The autopsies conducted by the industry doctors were unable to pinpoint a specific cause of death.
But the results of these tests were so positive for the industry that it is abandoning it's focus on marketing to third world countries and is looking to space for the future.
Secret documents reveal -
what really happened at Roswell.
The Roswell tests were a success.
The Aliens craved cigarettes right up to the end.
Industry launches it's new promotion
Joe Alien
He's cool and bad to appeal to the younger E.T.s
An Industry insider revealed " Space aliens are a perfect market. They love tobacco. They smoke it through their nostrils, ears, and amazingly, they even eat it. The higher the nicotine and additives the better. We're abandoning our filters and are even adding more additives. And there's billions of them out there and they're all ready for 3 cartons a day."
A major promotion is now underway with satellites beaming tobacco commercials into deep space. Using a variation of their earth marketing schemes the tobacco industry is hoping to attract young extra terrestrials with a cool rebel-like character called - Joe Alien.
They are downplaying the fire dangers of smoking in space craft by promoting flame proofing flying saucers. Also a team of doctors is ready to swear that there is no concrete evidence that tobacco is addictive or harmful to space alien metabolisms. ¶ 2:25 PM
